The Day the Characters Took Over the World
by Topaz
Summary: When angry characters take over the world, what are the fic authors going to do?! Well, first off, they're going to bash me over the head for writing such a dumb summary...


THE DAY THE CHARACTERS TOOK OVER THE WORLD  
or: My Overdramatic Stupid Little Fic With Random Notes Plugged In Throughout  
by Topaz  
  
(Please ignore the little notes in the parathesis)  
  
The characters were angry. Very angry.  
  
For years they had suffered horrible physical, mental, and emotional abuse at the hands of authors, fic authors, and others. They had been killed, injured, heartbroken, and worse. And they wanted revenge.  
  
The characters found a way to leave the printed page, the television, the computer. They swept across the world, leaving only alive those real humans whom they enslaved, torturing almost as cruelly as they themselves had been tortured.  
  
(Ooh! That was dramatic! *Grins*)  
  
  
Harry Potter relaxed at home while his personal slaves cooked him dinner. He lived in England, in the city of London. Europe had been allotted to book characters, with London reserved entirely for Harry Potter characters.   
  
The telephone rang; it was Hermione.  
  
"Harry, Voldemort killed six more slaves today-- he's getting out of control. We need these people, they're essential to the workforce. I know he's a character and all, but he's rather... vicious, don't you think?"  
  
Harry shrugged. "They're humans, Hermione. They're not characters or anything."  
  
"Food production is down in London, thanks to his rampages!" Hermione said angrily. "The house elves had a slight food shortage, and some characters lost electricity this morning because Voldemort killed some of the electrician humans."  
  
"I'll talk to him," Harry agreed. "Bye, Hermione."  
  
"Bye."  
  
Harry grabbed his cloak and headed for the door, then headed off toward Voldemort's estate. As a major character, he owned a large portion of land and a beautiful house. Harry, a main character, and as one of the most well known characters in the world, owned a mansion and hundreds of acres.   
  
He rang the doorbell and was answered by one of the humans, a girl named Draconita Riddle.  
  
"Tell Voldemort I'm here," Harry ordered, stepping into the hall, and the girl scurried away to find him.   
  
Several minutes later, Lord Voldemort swept into the hallway and greeted Harry. "Hello, my dear boy, it's simply grand to see you again. Won't you come in and have something to eat?"  
  
"No thank you, the humans are cooking my dinner at home," Harry replied, shaking Voldemort's hand. "I came here at Hermione's request. She wanted me to ask you to stop killing the humans."  
  
Voldemort led him into the parlor, where they sat on a velvet couch. "Why does she want me to stop? Surely she's not going to start a Society for the Promotion of Human Warfare, or something? Humans aren't house elves."  
  
"No, it's not that," Harry said. "Hermione says that there are food shortages and electricity outages because the workforce is being demolished. We need these slaves."  
  
Voldemort sighed. "I know, I know. But sometimes I get very angry, and, well, they're only humans..." he waved his hands. "It's hard being an evil character."  
  
Harry put a hand on Voldemort's shoulder. "I know it's tough, Tom, but until we get some more slaves, you'll have to take out your aggression on a pillow or something."  
  
"A pillow?"  
  
"Well, think of something."  
  
As he left, Harry saw Voldemort eye the velvet pillows thoughtfully.  
  
(That guy is a psychopath. We have a lot in common.)  
  
  
Two girls crept through the woods in the dead of the night, trying not to make any noise. The taller one had dark hair and blue eyes, while the shorter had wispy blond hair and light blue eyes.   
  
"Finally!" the taller girl said as they reached a clearing. "I nearly had a heart attack when you stepped on that twig!" She collapsed dramatically on the ground.   
  
"You're weird, Topaz," said the other girl. "Where are we, anyway?"  
  
"A clearing," Topaz replied.  
  
"I realize that," the girl said coldly. "But what clearing? Why this one?"  
  
"It's enchanted," Topaz informed her. "I put a spell on it before they took away my powers."  
  
"Powers?"  
  
"Yes, Misty, powers! All fic authors have special powers, but we need a keyboard to use them, just like the Harry Potter characters need wands. They took my computer away, but I managed to enchant this clearing before that. No one can hear a thing we say or do in hear, and they can't see us either." Topaz grinned smugly.  
  
"I still don't like it," Misty said nervously. "We're out in the open... anyway, why'd you want to sneak out?"  
  
"I'll tell you when everyone gets here," Topaz replied. "Be patient."  
  
Other slaves began entering the clearing. A boy with silvery-blond hair and blue eyes, a girl with silvery wings, a gray cat, an anime-style girl dressed entirely in black. Hundreds of them filled the small clearing, and somehow everyone fit.  
  
"Mawwaige," said Topaz. "Mawwaige is wot bwings us togethaw today. Mawwaige, vat bwessed awwangement..."  
  
"Stop quoting Princess Bride!" Misty snapped, while Arkis and Laisia glared angrily. Topaz looked very put out. (Sorry, sorry! I can't help it!)  
  
"We are here," she said loudly. "For one reason."  
  
"Party!" shouted several humans.  
  
"I wish," Topaz said, rolling her eyes. "We're here to rebell. Rebell against the characters, who have enslaved us for so long..."  
  
"Three months, Topaz," Misty remarked. "That's not very long."  
  
"Shut up!" Topaz hissed to her. "We need to revolt against our captors, and regain control of our world. We need to FIGHT!"  
  
"Fight! Fight! Fight!" chanted the same group of humans. The gray cat hissed, and they quickly shut up.  
  
"How are we supposed to fight?" Laisia inquired, brushing pine needles from her black snakeskin print shirt. "Grab a pistol and shoot them? Or what?"  
  
"All of us here are fan fic authors, those who wrote at FF.n, and all of those authors still living are here." Topaz gazed around the crowd. "To conquer the characters, all we need is one simple weapon. A computer."  
  
The humans began to mutter to each other, excited. Misty shrugged. Laisia looked interested. The gray cat washed her face.   
  
"We are fic authors," Topaz proclaimed, her voice echoing through the clearing. "With a good keyboard, we can do anything. The characters can do nothing if we have a computer. All we need is to get one... but how?"  
  
The authors looked at each other uneasily. Some shrugged, while others looked hopeful. Misty leaned against a tree, looking skeptical.  
  
"Well, we need to do something," Topaz said. "We can't just be slaves for the rest of our lives. You, Misty, do you like being Hermione's slave? Laisia, do you enjoy being owned by Duo? You, Mystica, is your only goal to serve Draco Malfoy?"  
  
The authors cheered, inspired by these brave words.   
  
"Keep your eyes open," Topaz urged. "Try to find a way to get a computer. And be careful." She watched the humans disperse, heading back to their homes.  
  
The moon shone down on the empty clearing, and the woods were silent.  
  
(That was also dramatic... I love dramaticness... or, drama, whatever...)  
  
  
Daine Sarrasri galloped up to Alanna the Lioness's house on her pony Cloud, and waited for the redhaired knight to come out. "Alanna!"  
  
"What?"   
  
"We need to talk." Daine swung Cloud around to nodded to Briar, Tris, Sandry, Daja, Keladry, and Neal, who were with her.   
  
"'We need to talk'?" Alanna snorted. "What, are we breaking up? Daine, I thought you cared!"  
  
"Don't be ridiculous," Daine said, grinning.   
  
"You're gay?" Daja looked surprised.  
  
"I was joking, kid." Alanna stepped out of the house, pulling a tunic on over her blouse. "What's the matter, Daine?"  
  
Daine frowned. "The Mary Sues are at war with the Video Game characters over Australia. We need to go sort things out. I've already called Onua, Jonathan, Numair, and Kaddar. Can you get transportation?"  
  
"Yes." Alanna stared off thoughtfully. "War? This is bad. Very bad."  
  
(That was an extremely random and pointless scene.)  
  
Queen Cimorene of the Enchanted Forest called Morwen with her magic mirror. "Morwen?"  
  
The ginger haired witch stared back at her. "Oh, it's you, Cimorene. Telemain is out buying another slave after that dreadful accident with his transportation spell; I thought it might be him. What's the trouble?"  
  
Cimorene shifted her weight uneasily. "I'm not sure, Morwen. We all feel like something's wrong... me, Mendanbar, Daystar, Shiara... the dragons are also uneasy. We thought we'd better ask you if Telemain could make a spell that would predict the future."  
  
"Isn't possible," Morwen replied. "I've been feeling unsettled myself, but it could just be aftereffects of living in the real world. Maybe some cider would settle your stomach. Shall I send one of the humans over with a bottle?"  
  
"Thanks, that sounds delicious." Cimorene sighed. Probably just her imagination.  
  
(That was also random and pointless. Skip down to good parts. Assuming there are some.)  
  
  
"Topaz!" A teenage girl shoved through the crowd of slaves at the marketplace, trying to reach the girl. "Topaz!"  
  
"Hi, Sanna," Topaz said absently, examining some tomatoes. "Do these look ripe to you? Buttercup's gonna kill me if I buy rotten ones again... good thing Westley hates tomatoes anyway, he never knows the difference..."  
  
"Topaz!" Sanna grabbed her arm. "I found out where we can get a computer."  
  
"What?" Topaz whirled around, dropping the tomato, which splatted on the pavement. "A computer? How? Where?"  
  
Sanna pulled her toward the woods, and they headed to the enchanted clearing, then stopped to catch their breath.  
  
"They destroyed most of them," Sanna told her between gasps. "But they kept three computers preserved in America."  
  
"Good. But where in America?"  
  
Sanna paused, no longer out of breath. "There's a riddle." She fished a slip of paper out of one pocket and handed it to Topaz. "Here it is."  
  
Where leaves turn crimson and boots drip  
There you'll find just what you seek  
A torture chamber lost in Hell  
Where silence reigns and rulers speak  
  
"This poetry sucks," Topaz commented. "What does it mean?"  
  
"Well," Sanna began, "Some of us think that the first line means that the computers are in New England. You know, the leaves change in the fall. As for the boots dripping part..." she shrugged. "A torture chamber? I'm not sure about that... and the last line makes no sense."  
  
"Well, thanks," Topaz said, sighing. "Maybe we'll figure out something more. At least now we know that computers do exist somewhere."  
  
"At least," Sanna echoed, disappointed that her clue hadn't helped more.  
  
(I know the poem sucked majorly. However, could you do much better in ten seconds? Oh. Okay then. I'll shut up. Uh oh, my fic is starting to sound like Redwall (riddle poems) AHHH! NOOO! Not Redwall! Anything but that! *Grins* Did you know that I hate Redwall?)  
  
  
New England was owned by Monty Python and Princess Bride characters. The state of Massachusetts belonged to Princess Bride characters, as well as parts of Vermont. It was there that the authors gathered together a second time.  
  
"Look," Topaz said to Misty as they stepped into the clearing. "I know you don't think this will work... but it can't hurt, can it?"  
  
"You mean when they kill us for trying to rebell?" Misty rolled her eyes. "Oh, no, that won't hurt at all."  
  
"I'd rather be dead than a slave!" Topaz snapped. "And we'd all be dead soon anyway, with Voldemort's rampages and Humperdinck slaughtering any human he finds. Besides, you know they killed any fic author they found. We're just lucky they didn't know we're all fic authors."  
  
"They will if your plan works," Misty replied. "Or if it fails. And if it fails..." She drew one finger across her throat. "Oh, fine. I'll stop grumbling. But I don't think it'll work. That poem was crap."  
  
"Let's get some authors together and form a search party for the missing computers." Topaz looked around. "Mystica, Mrs. Norris, Arkis, Lai, you guys want to come with me to find a computer?"  
  
"Why them?" Misty asked.  
  
"Mrs. Norris is a cat, and can get into small spaces, Mystica's wings will let her get places we can't, Arkis is my brother, Laisia is anime and not all the laws of nature apply to her, and you're coming so I can gloat when this works."  
  
"Sounds fun," Misty said dryly.  
  
"Where do we go?" Laisia asked, joining them with the others behind her.   
  
"New England."  
  
(Ooh, what's gonna happen next? The suspense is killing me! NOT.)  
  
  
"It's gotta be somewhere in New England," Topaz said, kicking a tree in her frusteration. "Ow! Stupid tree."  
  
"Where leaves turn crimson and boots drip," Mystica murmured. "Where do boots drip?"  
  
"Maine?" Misty suggested. "They fish a lot there..."  
  
"But why boots?" Mrs. Norris frowned.  
  
Misty pulled a map of New England out of her pocket and they all gathered around to look at it. Six throats gasped simultaneously.  
  
"The boot!" Arkis shrieked, jabbing a finger at Massachusetts.   
  
"It's shaped like a boot," Mystica agreed, peering at the map. "That's what they meant. 'Where boots drip'... well, it's in the ocean..."  
  
"The poem meant Massachusetts!" Topaz danced around crazily and nearly tripped over a tree root. "But what about the rest?" She pulled the slip of paper out of her pocket and they all clustered around to read it again.  
  
Where leaves turn crimson and boots drip  
There you'll find just what you seek  
A torture chamber lost in Hell  
Where silence reigns and rulers speak  
  
"'A torture chamber lost in Hell'?" Laisia whistled. "Interesting."  
  
"A torture chamber..." Topaz paused. "The only torture chambers I know of are high schools, and I somewhat doubt that's what they meant."  
  
"High schools?" Mrs. Norris's tail lashed. "Maybe..."  
  
"Where silence reigns and rulers speak!" Mystica cried. "Where else do rulers speak? They used to hit kids with rulers when they misbehaved..."  
  
"A high school in Massachusetts!" Laisia shrieked. "We did it!"  
  
"Um," Arkis remarked, "How are we going to tell which high school?"  
  
They lapsed into silence.   
  
"Well, only one high school is guarded by characters..." Topaz grinned. "It's right down the road. It must be that one! They'd guard the one with computers! Now all we have to do is break in and get to the computers!"  
  
"That's all?" Misty said sarcastically. "Piece of cake."  
  
Topaz slumped against a tree. "Great. How're we going to do that?"  
  
(Misty, Lai, Mrs. N, and Mystica aren't really this stupid. Arkis, my brother, is. Just kiddin', Arky. I'm not stupid, just insane. *Grins insanely*)  
  
  
Different characters took shifts guarding the only three computers left in the world. That night, the characters were Inigo Montoya from Princess Bride, Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter, Shiara from the Enchanted Forest Chronicles, and Ash Ketchum from Pokemon.  
  
"All right," Topaz whispered to the others. "We need to somehow defeat these guys. Any ideas?"  
  
"Well, Inigo's a master fencer, Draco's a wizard, and Shiara's a fire witch... we need to somehow defeat Draco's and Shiara's powers, and someone has to take care of Inigo." Misty frowned thoughtfully.  
  
"What about Ash?" Arkis asked.  
  
"Him?" Misty snorted. "He's a dorky little kid with a bunch of screwed-up pets. What can he do?"  
  
"Good point." Mystica sighed. "We need a wand."  
  
"A sword," Topaz added.  
  
"A bucket of water?" Arkis suggested.  
  
"I'll handle those," Topaz said. "Meanwhile, let's split into groups of two. Mystica, Mrs. Norris, you two will handle Malfoy. Lai, Arkis, take care of Shiara. Misty and I will manage Montoya. Got it?"  
  
"Yup," they chorused.  
  
"Let's go!"   
  
(This is a really stupid fic. I think I'll go to sleep. Nah, better finish it...)  
  
Draco Malfoy was sleepy. It was 2:00 in the morning, and he wished he was in bed. But the computers needed to be guarded against any runaway slaves, so he forced his eyes to stay open and his mind to stay concious.  
  
"Draco," said a voice.   
  
Draco widened his drooping eyes. "Whossat?"  
  
A girl with silvery wings stepped in front of him. "I was sent to handle your shift, since you seem to be getting tired. We can't have sleepy characters guarding."  
  
"Who are you?" Draco asked, more alert now.  
  
"Uh..." the girl paused. "I'm, uh, Rachel from the Enchanted Pudding series."  
  
"Never heard of that," Draco remarked, trying not to yawn. "Okay. Lemme get my wand." He picked it up and staggered away toward the Portkey that would take him back to London.  
  
A second figure joined the winged girl, this one a cat. "Enchanted Pudding?" the cat said disdainfully. "I could've done better than that."  
  
Mystica shrugged. "Sorry. Well, it worked, fuzzball. C'mon, let's go see how the others are doing."  
  
(Let's not and say we did... I am so childish. *Smirks* Did you know that if you squish a banana the right way it divides into quarters?)  
  
  
Shiara was wide awake on her side of the high school. She kept a small flame burning to see with, and it kept her warm as well. The night was still.  
  
Suddenly two people dropped down in front of her. "Surrender!" called the smaller one.  
  
"No, thank you," Shiara said politely, sending a burst of flame at them. A loud howl came from their direction, then the sound of splashing water.  
  
A tall anime-style girl dressed in black stepped into the ring of firelight. "Surrender."  
  
"Ain't gonna happen," Shiara reply, wondering how she could burn them without setting the forest on fire. "Who are you?"  
  
"Arkis and- oof!" said the smaller one, the girl having stepped on his foot.   
  
"Your worst nightmare," said the girl. "Are you sure you won't surrender?"  
  
"Yeah," Shiara said, carefully aiming at the shorter figure.   
  
"Now!" the girl shouted, and Shiara heard the swish of water. She made the flame larger, and stared around her. A circle of water surrounded her.  
  
"Your magic can't cross water," the girl said with great satisfaction. "Quick, Arkis, get the chloroform before the water sinks into the dirt."  
  
Shiara tried to scream, then everything went black.  
  
(That was dramatic... well, not really... more like stupid... *Shrugs* Close enough.)  
  
  
"I'm still not too sure about this," Topaz said grimly, hefting her sword in one hand. "I suck at fencing."  
  
"You beat Elissa when you guys had that duel."  
  
"Misty, we were fencing with plastic baseball bats. Neither of us knows the first thing about swordfighting. Inigo Montoya is a master."  
  
Misty shrugged. "Well, you know the back-up plan. If you seem to be losing, I drop a large rock on his head. At least he doesn't have magic powers." She grinned down at Topaz from her perch in the tree. "Good luck."  
  
"Thanks," Topaz said sarcastically. "We are we even bothering with the swordfight? Why not just drop the rock on his head right away."  
  
Misty's grin widened. "Wouldn't be sportsmanlike."  
  
"I'm the only one who can quote Princess Bride!" Topaz grumbled. "Sh, here he comes."  
  
"Who goes there?" a Spanish-sounding voice called.  
  
"No one of consequence," Topaz called, grinning at Misty's annoyed expression at yet another quote. "I challenge you to a duel." She gripped her sword tightly, crossing her fingers with her other hand.  
  
Inigo held up his torch. "Are you a character or human?"  
  
"Fic author," Topaz replied without thinking. "Oops."  
  
"A fic author?" Inigo shrieked. "Prepare to die!"  
  
He leaped forward and slashed at Topaz, who jumped back and blocked it, then tried to slash him back. He blocked it easily.  
  
"Misty!" Topaz screamed. "I'm gonna die!"  
  
A rock fell from overhead and bonked Inigo on the head. Without a word he keeled over, unconcious.  
  
"Satisfied?" Topaz called up to her. "C'mon. We're going in."  
  
(I've always wanted to say that... "We're going in." Hee hee. I'm so weird. :-)  
  
  
"We made it," Arkis said happily as together the six authors stepped into the high school lobby. "We finally made it."  
  
"Now what?" Misty said. "Where do we go?"  
  
"'Where silence reigns and rulers speak'... the library?" Laisia suggested.  
  
"Where is the library?" Misty retorted.  
  
They all paused.   
  
"C'mon, Lai, Misty, we used to go to this school before the characters revolted!" Topaz banged her fist against the wall. "We know where the library is!"  
  
"I think it's up these stairs," Laisia said, pointing at a flight of stairs.  
  
"No, these," Misty argued, pointing to another.  
  
"Those are the stairs that lead nowhere, remember? I think Lai's right." Topaz started up the staircase, and the others followed.  
  
They walked down dark hallways for what seemed like eternity, occasionally stopping to peer inside a dusty, tomb-like classroom. No computers.   
  
Finally, a wonderful sight met their eyes. The library, where rows of books stretched out before them, and... three computers!  
  
"We did it!" six voices screamed.  
  
(Now, I couldn't decide between three difference outcomes, so I wrote them all. Pick your poison.)  
  
ENDING A: OVERDRAMATICNESS  
  
"We did it!" six voices screamed.  
  
Arkis ran forward, quickly switching on one of the computers. "It still works, guys! It works!" He leaned forward eagerly, seizing the mouse in one hand, the other hovering over the keyboard.  
  
A loud burst of music filled the silent room as the computer began to turn on. The fic authors clustered around the computer, hardly breathing, waiting for the moment when they would at last have control over the world again.  
  
The screen brightened, and electricity began to flow through the wires to power the great machine. The screen grew brighter and brighter, glowing with the power contained in the small box.  
  
Arkis, still clutching the mouse, began to glow, his blond hair now flaming gold, his skin letting off a radiance that frightened the others. Sheer power raced through his body, filling every atom of every molecule.  
  
"It's too much!" Mystica screamed. "The power's going to kill him!"  
  
Faster now, the light brightened until they had to turn away from the shimmering body or be blinded. Mystica, Laisia, and Misty dove under the librarian's desk, while Topaz and Mrs. Norris sought shelter behind a bookcase.  
  
Finally, too much power had built up for his body to handle. A loud, anguished shriek rang out through the library as power burst out of Arkis in a brilliant supernova.   
  
The radiance dimmed as a pale, lifeless body slumped against the computer.  
  
"It was too much," Topaz murmured, tears streaming down her cheeks as she stared at her dead brother. "He couldn't take it all, not the first blast."  
  
Laisia and Misty gently lifted Arkis from the chair and carried the body over to the other side of the large room, setting him down gently in a chair at one of the tables.  
  
"Topaz, we need to continue," Laisia said, brushing away her own tears. "We can't stop now."  
  
Topaz nodded silently, and lowered herself into the computer chair. She silently double-clicked on the Clarisworks icon, and the all watched the screen turn white as the program opened and a blank file appeared.  
  
Topaz's fingers stabbed at the keyboard. "This is for Arkis!" The Harry Potter characters all dropped dead in London. "This is for Mandy!" Disney characters fell to the ground. "This is for Crybaby!" Princess Bride characters screamed as life began to drain from their bodies. "This is for Twist, and Crystal Music, and Z_Star! This is for all the other fic authors you killed!" Characters everywhere began to die, their bodies sucked back into their books and TVs.   
  
Silently the five authors stepped away from the computer, and watched sun rise through the window, rising on a world that was back in their hands.  
  
(Now, THAT was overdramatic.)  
  
ENDING B: RIDICULOUSNESS  
  
"We did it!" six voices screamed.  
  
"Not quite," said a cold voice. They whirled around.  
  
"You forgot about me," Ash Ketchum continued, stepping into the library.   
  
Topaz grabbed desperately for the switch, but was stopped by a small yellow creature. "Pika!" it cried.  
  
"Noooooooooooooo!" the authors shrieked, backing away in fear. "NOT THE PIKACHU!"  
  
"Pika!" Pikachu said cheerfully.  
  
Mystica grabbed frantically for a textbook and threw it at the Pikachu, who leaped aside easily and charged at her.   
  
"Help!" Mystica screamed, leaping on top of a bookshelf. "It's gonna eat me!"  
  
"This is for the characters you killed in your little fic!" Ash cried as Pikachu electrocuted Mystica. She fell to the ground, dead. "This is for every character's heart that you've broken." Mrs. Norris gave an anguished squeal as she, too, was killed. "This is for the humiliation you've given us!" Ash continued, watching Arkis keel over. "This is for misspelling character's names!" Laisia fell dead on the floor. "This is for the bad grammar we had to put up with." Misty tried to dodge, but a blast of lightning fried her.  
  
"This is for everything you've done to us!" Ash shouted, and Topaz's shriek was cut off as she toppled from her chair, her heart no longer beating.  
  
For a few minutes the boy and the Pikachu stood silently comtemplating the scene, then they staggered from the room as the first rays of sunshine began to illuminate the bloody media center.  
  
(Well, that was nice and peaceful... note my witty and clever sarcasm :-)  
  
ENDING C: JUST PLAIN LOONY  
  
"We did it!" six voices screamed.  
  
Then the world blew up and everyone died.   
  
"I am a starfish," said Lockhart.  
  
THE END  
  
That was overly dramatic, no? Well, at least Ending A. B was more ridiculous and C was just plain stupid. I love stupidity. Stupidity and sugar highs make the world go round...  
  
Note: Laisia, Misty, Mystica, Mrs. Norris, and Arkis aren't really this stupid. I just made them be for the duration of this fic (what exactly does duration mean?). I'm not either, just loony.  
  
Thankee for reading my psycho little fic, please review! Flames welcome, I'm working on my tan. :-) 


End file.
